Under Blue Moon

Tuesday, Dec 2nd, 2008 — Paradoxically, now that the Moon is in your fixed sign for a couple of days, you may feel that your mood swings are stronger and more frequent. You might like the distance you can normally put between your thoughts and your feelings, yet now the two seem complexly interwoven. There’s no need to untangle the mental and emotional threads. Just observe how these alternative modalities can work together so seamlessly.

Bipolar is like any other disease in that it takes work to stay healthy. Monitoring of emotions, sleep patterns, triggers, and moods. I have a pattern of my mind either racing with the high/lows or a mental shutdown occurs. I admit I am difficult to read when I shut down, as I can merely be in quiet contemplation.
The highs are nice—but it is the crash I worry about. I am pretty much on an even keel these days unless I miss a few days of my Depakote. I wake up easier without it but others notice my slide into darker waters. The self-doubt seeps in and negative affirmations whisper in my ear. It is then I usually realize what is happening and look at possible reasons why. It helps to have another bipolar in the home who understands and can call me on my shit. Nothing like that to bring you back from my fragmented reality.
Ugh–some days I wish there was a simpler way.

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I have a crush that hasn’t gone away–not as strong feeling like it was during the summer but it exists.  I think he felt it too–which would be one of the reasons why we have not hung out. I will see him soon and then go months again and not.

He told me he wanted me after our first hello two yrs ago. Nothing wrong with a crush as long it is recognized. He had me and could not go through with it. All the anticipation and no return. Lots of talking and unloading of souls, which is more sacred than sex. Had we just fucked, I would not have developed a crush. Give me emotions and I am a sponge. Emotions and a keen sense of humour is a killer.

and I am a woman who still has a crush.

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STILETTOS can be good for a woman’s sex life, says a study which claims wearing them ”directly works the pleasure muscles linked to orgasm”.

Experts found the high heels toned women’s legs and strengthened pelvic muscles.

In tests, Dr Maria Cerruto, of the University of Verona, Italy, discovered that wearing a pair

of ‘‘moderately high heeled shoes’’ had beneficial effects for a woman’s sex life.

‘‘Heels work the pelvic muscles and reduce the need to exercise them.

‘‘Wearing heels during daily activity may reduce the need for the pelvic floor exercises necessary to keep that part of a woman’s anatomy toned and elastic,’’ Cerruto said.

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Sunday, Nov 30th, 2008 – A spiritual retreat may be in order today as you seek ways to reconnect with the purpose of your life. Do something that helps you touch your soul, like praying, going on a nature walk or listening to inspirational music. But don’t go out of your way to explain what you are doing to anyone else. This isn’t about getting approval; it’s about nurturing your spirituality.

I wonder if helping a friend paint furniture counts?

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Saturday, Nov 29th, 2008 – You may want to go into hiding today, but your need for seclusion won’t likely last too long. Treat this urge with the respect it deserves, especially if you have been putting out a lot of energy into the social sphere. Don’t confuse your current desire for inward contemplation with moodiness. There’s nothing wrong with creating healthy boundaries so you can replenish your spirit.

Actually I feel the opposite–I want to be with people today. We stayed home last night and spent some quality alone time together. This always replenishes us as a couple. Tonight–we host a few people and drink, laugh..maybe even play. It is good for me to let go and allow myself permission to be silly and sexual.

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Some of the most common signs of sexual need are:

* General and mounting irritability

* Overall feeling of frustration without knowing the cause

* Feeling stressed for “no reason”

* Excessive/lack of hunger or sleep

* Anger and/or other unexplainable negative emotions toward your partner

* Vivid sexual dreams that may lead to nocturnal orgasms (wet dreams) for both men and women

I would say I am good for about 5 days and then start experiencing some of the above. It only gets worse as the time progresses.

How long do you go without needing sex?

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My Dad and I were never really close until after I grew up and moved out. I felt I had to prove I could do it on my own, so I packed up my car and moved across the country. It was an eye opener for sure, but I wanted him to know that I was capable of whatever I set my mind to. Soon after moving, I joined the Navy instead of college to further distance myself.

Now–my family is spread out around the globe and we do not get to see each other often. My parent’s divorced and my Dad remarried. He and the wife winter in AZ–not too far away. I invited them to come for Thanksgiving this year. He declined, citing financial reasons due to a recent air conditioning blow up. I can understand that.

I called him on Thanksgiving Day and was brought up-to-date on his very recent cash purchase of a new SUV.

It was a blow to the heart. Why was I not important enough to spend the money on to come see for a long weekend? Certainly cheaper than a new vehicle.

I was going to ask about Christmas and now won’t.

I will shove all the feelings back down and go about my life, but not without shedding a few tears.

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I have a long list of what I am thankful for and will not bore you with it. What I will say is that I am thankful for the people in my life. Each brings light to my darkness and laughter to my ears. Each accepts me for ME.

Lastly, I cannot go without saying it out loud….I am thankful for my Lover/friend/soon-to-be husband. We have grown together in the last year. I am grateful for the Universe for bringing him to me…that and a certain adult sex site..lol.

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